Urban Goddess - Articles

Men:
Why I Love You

(Conscientious Objector to the Gender War)

As I sat down to write this essay, I anticipated there would be many women who will not like what I have to say. However, having never approached life as a popularity contest, I’m comfortable standing in my own convictions, with or without the agreement of my peers. More importantly, I am committed to dispelling the myth that Goddess, feminine spirituality, Kali, Isis, the Dark Mother Goddess, girl power, woman power, sisterhood, frilly boy-shorts or vibrators are anti-male. Nothing could be further from the truth. So…

This is an homage to men. It is also an apology. Despite the litany of grievances so often heard from the mouths of women (whether they are radical feminists, jealous astronauts, overworked mothers or frustrated girlfriends), you are not the enemy, nor have you ever been. You are not ‘less than’ just because you can produce a Power Point presentation entitled, “Quick Fixes to Any Problem”, before we’ve even finished a sentence, endure an emotionally charged chick-flick without so much as shedding a tear, or listen to a forty-minute diatribe of your wife or girlfriend’s day-from-hell, and with succinct and utter empathy, reply…“Uh-huh”. It is precisely this ‘over-simplified’ response to the complex and mercurial theatre of the feminine psyche that, in truth, strikes a most befitting counterbalance. And to emphasize the very nature of this counterpoise, neither does this imply you are ‘more than’. Thus said, it most assuredly implies you are ‘different than’ and may I just say this… GloryFrickingHallelujah.

Popular 1970’s Adage:
“A Woman Needs a Man Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle”

I have no idea what a fish is going to do with a bicycle,
but I can think of PLENTY of things I can do with a man...

My question is this: When did “need” become such a dirty word? What archetypal split in our collective psyches and hearts caused us to reduce such a basic human trait into a social and psychological pathology? I’m not talking about the spectrum extremes; debilitating dependency or misanthropic behavior, I’m talking about the billions of us needy folks in-between. Human Beings are herd animals; we run in packs, create communities and villages, congregate in churches, airports and shopping malls. We erect lavish monuments to our heroes and epitaphs to those who have passed. We mate, raise families and send Hallmark cards. We depend upon a certain measure of cooperation in all our societal systems… whatever they may be. Put simply, human beings need one another. Why then are we so reluctant to admit this need, particularly between men and women? Why has “need” become a dirty word?

“You Complete Me”

Jerry McGuire: I love you. You...you complete me. And I just…
Dorothy: Shut up, just shut up. You had me at "hello".

Every woman I know (who would admit it) went weak in the knees when she heard this line in the movie, Jerry McGuire, starring Tom Cruise and Renee Zellweger. But before we even had time to regain our balance, the Metaphor Nazis of pop psychology and New Age dogma warned us that this kind of romantic dribble is VERY, VERY BAD. While I (sort of) understand the popularly zealous notion that two ‘incomplete’ people forging a relationship with one another will not make either person ‘whole’, still… this one-dimensional ethos is sorely lacking in poetry. As conveyed from Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs to the love sonnets of Shakespeare, the need to give love and be loved is as natural and essential to our beings as breathing. Whole or incomplete, on top of our game or seriously screwed up, we are worthy of our birthright of desiring, loving and needing one another.

Yin Yang Walla Walla Bing Bang

Moving Beyond Gender Rights to Human Rights

The goal here is not equality, but a genuine celebration of masculine and feminine natures; honoring and respecting our differences instead of expecting the impossibility of ‘sameness’. It is letting go of our fear, anger, resentment and convoluted expectations of one another and, with plucky good humor, moving toward acceptance, appreciation and empathy.

I adore men. They’re sturdy, refreshingly funny, sometimes exasperating and quite mysterious in a straight-ahead sort of way. They bring an entirely unique perspective to problems, solutions, life and love. And men can be breathtakingly simple, and I don’t mean that in a derogatory sense; their ability to penetrate an experience with a single word is something to behold.

So, gentlemen, take heart… there are women who appreciate, respect and cherish the noble masculine qualities you bring to our lives, our hearts and the world. And women have an ocean of gifts to bestow upon you as well. Neither man nor woman has the “upper hand” here – we are in this together. We each bring a mixed bag of tricks and treats, pop quizzes and life-altering wisdom to one another. Yes, toes will be stepped on and hearts will be broken, this is a fact of life. But let us remember this: the dance between men and women is an act of balance, not a tug of war.

From my heart to yours,
--Robyn

”One of the greatest human needs is having someone to wonder
where you are when you don’t come home at night.”
-- Margaret Mead

“…and make you pay like hell, when you drag your
sorry ass back in the next morning.”
-- Robyn Lark Wakefield

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